Anon_member09
03-25-2009, 10:02 AM
Hey guys,
I want to start out by saying... this is not my normal username. I just started this one to make this post. I know it would be easy for a moderator to trace my IP, but i respectually ask that you let me remain anonymous for the sake of the girl in question never finding this (she is online a lot too on car website... and could easily identify me by my regular username)
Basicly i've been given the opportunity to get out of the "friends zone"... and i need some advise on how to smoothly do it. I feel a bit dumb having to ask for advice on this subject... so i thought "what better place than a good message board with an anonymous username"
I have been friends with this girl for a couple of years. When we first met, it was my goal to date her. We went out on a couple of dates, and things went great. For whatever reason, i never quite had the courage to make a move... only once did i kiss her, and it was a bit akward... just a quick lighthearted "So... do i get to kiss you this time" (hadn't kissed on the first date) and she gave me a quick kiss before getting out of the car.
Being that i hadn't dated since i was in middle school (was with the same girl for like 8 years... im currently 24 and had been dating that girl since i was 13) and that things were akward for me since it had been so long... i told her how i felt about her... etc. This letter was probably a bit premature... and she never responded to it... she actually acted as if it had never happened... which really hurt.
Eventually it led to us just being friends. I sat back and watched her date other guys... and it was painfull because i was clearly in the "friends zone" with her. Every time i thought she wanted more, i second guessed myself that i was reading her correctly... and often times it appeared she ONLY wanted to be friends. Her and i hung out often, and she has called me her "best friend" on a number of occasions. This slowly ate at me more and more, and this past fall (fall of 08) i broke off communication with her.
A few months back, i decided to myself, that i missed her... and that even if all we were going to be was friends, i wanted her to be in my life again. I went into it driving the idea in my head "all you are is friends... dont try to make it more or you will just be kidding yourself".
Everything was great... and we quickly became best of friends again.
Where the story turns... is one day she starts talking to me about when we first "dated". She said she thought about it all the time... etc. I instantly became confused again, thinking "maybe she wants more"
The next few times i was around her i tried my best to muster up the courage to give her a kiss at the end of the times we were hanging out. She just never quite seemed to give me the signals that she wanted to... so i never felt like i should.
Im one that prefers to have time to sit down and think about how i want to say things... so i decided to write her an email... telling her exactly how i felt, etc. In the email i touched on a lot of things... how i wanted more than just friends... how she was everything i could possibly ask for in a girl... etc etc.
I tried talking to bring it up to her on IM (we live about an hour apart... so our primary communication is IM's while we are at work) and she kept insisting that she would prefer to talk about it in person.
We were set to go out that weekend. The day went great... but i casually asked here and there "are we gona get a chance to talk about things"... she kept assuring me that we would... but before i knew it, our evening was over and she hadn't said a word. On my drive home, feeling very frustrated and hurt... i sent her a simple txt saying "im sorry... i cant do this anymore"
I didn't hear from her for a couple days... but finally i got a txt from her saying to check my email.
She wrote me an email basicly saying everything i wanted to hear... she said she couldn't imagine being with anyone else... that she thought i was perfect for her... etc. She also went to say that her reluctant attitude towards it was based on the fact that we were such good friends... and that the thought of hurting me was unbearable. She also went on to say that all great things in life require a risk to be taken, and that she thought that was one of those cases. In closing, she said that as long as both of us went into it knowing that it was a risk, but a risk worth taking, that she was OK with it.
I responded...telling her i thought it was worth the risk... etc... then heard nothing for a couple days. I was in shock that after all the things she said... she was ignoring me. Finally a couple days later, i got a call from her in the middle in the night. She sounded like she had been crying... and she began saying things like "why am i so afraid to try to be happy... why do i try to push people away when i know they are right for me" etc. We talked for a bit... and after a lot of things were said... we both agreed that we wanted to make the step, and that the next time we hung out it would be as a date, and not as just friends.
We went out about a week later... but the night got started on a bad note (i wont go into that... but one of my friends pulled a prank on one of her friends, and i was assumed guilty and basicly in the dog-house) so i never made a "move" at the end of the night. We hung out the following day... but it was just a casual lunch-meet... so again... it didn't feel like the mood justified a "first kiss"
Now that i have basicly wrote a novel for you all... i will go into the delima at hand.
When her and i first started talking again, a few months back... we planned a spring break trip. When we planned it, we were in the "friends" mindset... but now it would appear that its a whole new situation.
We are leaving tomorrow, for a 4 day 3 night trip. Everything about the situation seems perfect for breaking the ice... its just going to be her and i... 6 hours from home... having a laid back relaxing weekend.
Im absolutely shaking in my boots here. Im kicking myself for not making a move the last two times i have seen her... and now it means that if i want the weekend that i have been dreaming about, im going to have to make my first move on the trip. If things go well... i think it will make the weekend absolutely amazing... but if when i make my move she decides to reject me... im gona be stuck with her for 3 more days just her and I.
It seems like this sitation would be cut and dry. From the outside looking in, i would tell someone "OMG man... you have the perfect opportunity... and basicly a green card to go for it".... but every time im with her i get 0 distinguishable signs... no subtle eye contact... nothing that tells me its a "date" and not me just hanging out with my friend.
As one of my friends told me "if you dont change the rules, its always gona seem like the same game"... meaning that i have to put myself out there and just go for it, because i have to be the one that changes the mood from "friends" to "date".
Anyone who read everything i just wrote, i ask that you please post a bit of advice for me. She makes me feel like im 10 years old again, and i have no idea how to overcome it.
I want to start out by saying... this is not my normal username. I just started this one to make this post. I know it would be easy for a moderator to trace my IP, but i respectually ask that you let me remain anonymous for the sake of the girl in question never finding this (she is online a lot too on car website... and could easily identify me by my regular username)
Basicly i've been given the opportunity to get out of the "friends zone"... and i need some advise on how to smoothly do it. I feel a bit dumb having to ask for advice on this subject... so i thought "what better place than a good message board with an anonymous username"
I have been friends with this girl for a couple of years. When we first met, it was my goal to date her. We went out on a couple of dates, and things went great. For whatever reason, i never quite had the courage to make a move... only once did i kiss her, and it was a bit akward... just a quick lighthearted "So... do i get to kiss you this time" (hadn't kissed on the first date) and she gave me a quick kiss before getting out of the car.
Being that i hadn't dated since i was in middle school (was with the same girl for like 8 years... im currently 24 and had been dating that girl since i was 13) and that things were akward for me since it had been so long... i told her how i felt about her... etc. This letter was probably a bit premature... and she never responded to it... she actually acted as if it had never happened... which really hurt.
Eventually it led to us just being friends. I sat back and watched her date other guys... and it was painfull because i was clearly in the "friends zone" with her. Every time i thought she wanted more, i second guessed myself that i was reading her correctly... and often times it appeared she ONLY wanted to be friends. Her and i hung out often, and she has called me her "best friend" on a number of occasions. This slowly ate at me more and more, and this past fall (fall of 08) i broke off communication with her.
A few months back, i decided to myself, that i missed her... and that even if all we were going to be was friends, i wanted her to be in my life again. I went into it driving the idea in my head "all you are is friends... dont try to make it more or you will just be kidding yourself".
Everything was great... and we quickly became best of friends again.
Where the story turns... is one day she starts talking to me about when we first "dated". She said she thought about it all the time... etc. I instantly became confused again, thinking "maybe she wants more"
The next few times i was around her i tried my best to muster up the courage to give her a kiss at the end of the times we were hanging out. She just never quite seemed to give me the signals that she wanted to... so i never felt like i should.
Im one that prefers to have time to sit down and think about how i want to say things... so i decided to write her an email... telling her exactly how i felt, etc. In the email i touched on a lot of things... how i wanted more than just friends... how she was everything i could possibly ask for in a girl... etc etc.
I tried talking to bring it up to her on IM (we live about an hour apart... so our primary communication is IM's while we are at work) and she kept insisting that she would prefer to talk about it in person.
We were set to go out that weekend. The day went great... but i casually asked here and there "are we gona get a chance to talk about things"... she kept assuring me that we would... but before i knew it, our evening was over and she hadn't said a word. On my drive home, feeling very frustrated and hurt... i sent her a simple txt saying "im sorry... i cant do this anymore"
I didn't hear from her for a couple days... but finally i got a txt from her saying to check my email.
She wrote me an email basicly saying everything i wanted to hear... she said she couldn't imagine being with anyone else... that she thought i was perfect for her... etc. She also went to say that her reluctant attitude towards it was based on the fact that we were such good friends... and that the thought of hurting me was unbearable. She also went on to say that all great things in life require a risk to be taken, and that she thought that was one of those cases. In closing, she said that as long as both of us went into it knowing that it was a risk, but a risk worth taking, that she was OK with it.
I responded...telling her i thought it was worth the risk... etc... then heard nothing for a couple days. I was in shock that after all the things she said... she was ignoring me. Finally a couple days later, i got a call from her in the middle in the night. She sounded like she had been crying... and she began saying things like "why am i so afraid to try to be happy... why do i try to push people away when i know they are right for me" etc. We talked for a bit... and after a lot of things were said... we both agreed that we wanted to make the step, and that the next time we hung out it would be as a date, and not as just friends.
We went out about a week later... but the night got started on a bad note (i wont go into that... but one of my friends pulled a prank on one of her friends, and i was assumed guilty and basicly in the dog-house) so i never made a "move" at the end of the night. We hung out the following day... but it was just a casual lunch-meet... so again... it didn't feel like the mood justified a "first kiss"
Now that i have basicly wrote a novel for you all... i will go into the delima at hand.
When her and i first started talking again, a few months back... we planned a spring break trip. When we planned it, we were in the "friends" mindset... but now it would appear that its a whole new situation.
We are leaving tomorrow, for a 4 day 3 night trip. Everything about the situation seems perfect for breaking the ice... its just going to be her and i... 6 hours from home... having a laid back relaxing weekend.
Im absolutely shaking in my boots here. Im kicking myself for not making a move the last two times i have seen her... and now it means that if i want the weekend that i have been dreaming about, im going to have to make my first move on the trip. If things go well... i think it will make the weekend absolutely amazing... but if when i make my move she decides to reject me... im gona be stuck with her for 3 more days just her and I.
It seems like this sitation would be cut and dry. From the outside looking in, i would tell someone "OMG man... you have the perfect opportunity... and basicly a green card to go for it".... but every time im with her i get 0 distinguishable signs... no subtle eye contact... nothing that tells me its a "date" and not me just hanging out with my friend.
As one of my friends told me "if you dont change the rules, its always gona seem like the same game"... meaning that i have to put myself out there and just go for it, because i have to be the one that changes the mood from "friends" to "date".
Anyone who read everything i just wrote, i ask that you please post a bit of advice for me. She makes me feel like im 10 years old again, and i have no idea how to overcome it.